Squad by Mariah MacCarthy

Author:Mariah MacCarthy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)

twenty-one

“So what do you think you might want to do for your birthday?”

It’s Sunday, and Mom is sipping delicately on a protein shake, raising her perfectly plucked eyebrows at me in this conspiratorial way that makes my skin crawl. What kind of naughty shenanigans shall we girls get into? her face says. It’s gross.

My birthday. It’s in a week. I’d been trying aggressively not to think about it. How is it December already?

“I don’t know,” I say, and keep reading the Sunday comics. Garfield is trying to steal Jon’s lasagna. In years past, Raejean and I would buy each other enormous balloon arrangements for our birthdays and get them delivered in the middle of class. The cheer girls would all sign a sparkly card for me. Last year, Becca threw me a party at her enormous house and made me Jell-O shots, and I wore a tiara all night.

“We could … get manicures. We could … go ice skating. We could … go see a movie. We could … go to the beach if it’s warm enough. We could … go out for a nice dinner. We could…”

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it,” I say, and brush past her to make myself some toast.

She watches me crinkle the bag of bread. “I can make you breakfast,” she offers.

“I got it,” I say, and don’t look at her.

A thing about Mom is she doesn’t know when to stop. “Do you want to go to Zumba with me later?”

Her voice is so chipper and so forced that it takes everything inside me not to scream at her. But I don’t. “No thank you.”

I can hear her pursing her lips without even looking at her. That hurt-feelings, you don’t have to be so obstinate lip purse. When I was a kid, she’d purse her lips at my dad; now she purses them at me and Jack.

I get the feeling that Mom misses Raejean, too. Raejean and I would always be giggling so hard, and I think that laughter was like a drug for Mom. Before I got my license, the three of us would pile into Mom’s car for trips to the mall, all of us talking over one another, Mom begging us to explain some pop song to her. Without Raejean, I must seem like a stranger now. Honestly, I don’t recognize me, either.

“So what are you going to do today?” Jesus, her voice gets so high when she gets desperate like this.

“Homework,” I say, staring down into the toaster as though that will cook the bread faster.

“Well, it’s such a gorgeous day. Maybe you could do your homework in the backyard.”

“Maybe.”

She shifts so her whole body is facing me. “I talked to Coach Mason, by the way.”

I keep staring into the toaster and don’t say anything.

“She says that if you would want to return to the team—”

“No.”

“Can I finish?”

I shrug, still not looking up.

“She says that she’d be happy to have you back. You and she would just have to

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